The SD Studio Collection By LENG & Vanilla Chip
by Howling WereWolf
Summary: The Slam Dunk cast enter Hilarity Zone..... If you are easily offended by character-bashing, pls stay out.
1. A Biology Experiment In Ryonan

WARNING: DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME. (FICTION)

A BIOLOGY EXPERIMENT IN RYONAN

Aida as the dissector

Koshino as the supplier

Sendoh as the sarcastic handler

An operatic cockroach as the specimen

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A cockroach steps cautiously across the floor, and is promptly levitated painfully by a feeler.

Aida: Yo Check! A cockroach for our biology experiment!

Aida proceeds to tie the screaming (well, it **is** operatic) cockroach to the 'operating table' (really a matchbox, but who cares?).

Koshino: Na. (Chinese translation: here)

Aida: A sterilizer?

Koshino: You don't know where it's been.

Aida: Oh.

Cockroach: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Aida: Knife!

Koshino: Knife.

Aida slits open the cockroach. He ducks as blood sprays out. Koshino gets a basin.

Aida: Check! Small intestine!

Sendoh: That's the smallest small intestine I've ever seen.

Aida: Check! Large intestine!

Sendoh: This large intestine is so tiny… Talk about irony!

Aida reaches inside the cockroach again.

Aida: Check! Sto-oops!

The stomach rips into two, spilling dilute hydrochloric acid back on the cockroach. The cockroach lets out one last scream and officially KOs.

Koshino: //turns green// Was that supposed to happen?

Sendoh: No…

Aida: Look at THIS!

He cautiously removes the anus. Sendoh takes it from him.

Sendoh: Eh?

Sendoh gives it a slight squeeze, and something drops out of a hole.

Sendoh: What wassat?

Aida: Cockroach shit.

Sendoh places the anus and the cockroach shit alongside the 'large' and small intestines in the basin.

Unfortunately, Koshino, who has turned even greener, throws all he had for breakfast into the basin, as well as onto our poor little sunshine-faced handler.

Sendoh: Damn it! I just took a bath too!

Aida: Where are the parts we dissected?

Sendoh: I think I see the anus, waaaaaay over there next to that greenish-yellow thingy.

Aida: //looks at Koshino// Yo Check! He's gonna do it again!

THE END OF THE BIOLOGY EXPERIMENT

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Written by: LENG


	2. Thumbelina Part 1: You've got to be kidd...

THUMBELINA the Comedy 

Directed by V.C.

Typed by LENG

(The two are a very evil pair of sisters)

Note: Do not kill us for what we write in this fan fic. This is meant to be a comedy.

PART 1—You've got to be kidding me… 

** V.C.**: All right, people! Let's get this damn thing over and done with.

**SD cast**: mumble mutter

** LENG**: //typing//

** V.C.**: Haruko, you'll be Thumbelina.

** HARUKO**: //whining// But I don't wanna be a whiny midget…

** V.C.**: You don't? But it suits you perfectly!

** HARUKO**: WAAAAAAAAH!

** SAKURAGI**: How DARE you upset my precious Haruko!

** RUKAWA**: Do'aho.

** SAKURAGI**: TEME KITSUNE!

** LENG**: Sakuragi, stop your crap NOW, or else…

** SAKURAGI**: Or else what?

** LENG**://starts typing furiously//

** SAKURAGI**: HA! I knew it was an empty threat! You couldn't possibly hurt Tensai! BWAAHAHA-

** Poof!**

**C. SAKURAGI**: //his head stuck in a b-ball net// YOU F*****S!

** Everyone else**: sweat drop

** SENDOH**: Tut tut, Sakuragi-kun. Children like you shouldn't be cussing like that, ne?

** SAKURAGI**: Really? Okay then...HELP!

** V.C.**: LENG?

LENG: //shakes head//

V.C.: //hits LENG over the head with a clipboard// NOW! We need that 'wu gui dai wang' (Chinese for King of Tortoises) to act!

LENG: //types again// OW! Fine lah!

Sakuragi has his head out of the net, but is still a chibi.

C. Sakuragi: Lollipop! Lollipop! Lollipop!

V.C. ties a lollipop to the ceiling. C. Sakuragi tries to jump and get it but is unsuccessful.

V.C.: Let's change plans and do a play on THE FOX AND THE GRAPES.

LENG: Why not? That chibi looks dumb enough, anyways.

CRASH!

A VERY large rock lands on the middle of the floor with the note "Do you wanna die? With 'love' from the Sakuragi Fan Club" on it. 

Everyone: sweat drop

V.C.: Anyone who agrees that LENG change Sakuragi back and we get back to original plans, raise your hand.

All raise their hands except for Haruko.

HARUKO: I don't wanna be Thumbelina!

LENG: (muttering) doesn't matter because it is being changed to ThumbeHaruko //grumbles// (I hate this job.)

V.C: Ok //finalize the cast//

**_THUMBELINA THUMBEHARUKO the Comedy_**

Cast:

ThumbeHaruko: Haruko

Old woman: Ayako

Frog: Sendoh

Bug: Aida

Leaf: Rukawa

Mouse: Fujima (ahhh whatever)

Mole: Maki

Bird: Mitsui

Assassin: Kiyota

Fairy prince: Sakuragi

Toad: Akagi

SD cast: sighzzzz

Stay tuned to **PART 2—It's about time!**


	3. Thumbelina Part 2: It's about time!

THUMBELINA THUMBEHARUKO the Comedy 

Directed by V.C.

Typed by LENG

*Note - No one was really hurt or killed in the production, so PLEASE DON'T SUE US!

PART 2—It's about time! 

_ Once upon an unknown time, there was an old lady named Ayako. One day, while Ayako was picking flowers, she came across an annoying fairy about the size of her thumb. Ayako decides to flick the fairy to death._

_ Fairy: don't kill me! I am a fairy named ThumbeHaruko. If you spare my life, I will be your daughter._

_ Ayako: A fairy for a daughter?_

_ ThumbeHaruko: ok ok ok *sigh* //plucks out wings// ouch ouch now I'm a human girl_

_ And so ThumbeHaruko lived with Ayako. One day, a frog named Sendoh came to the house and picked up ThumbeHaruko and carried her away._

_ Sendoh: Hahahahaha! I shall kidnap this girl and get a high ransom from her family, and then I can have all the flies I ever wanted!_

_ Being as clumsy as he usually was, Sendoh dropped ThumbeHaruko into the pond outside._

_ Sendoh: Nooooooo… my flies!_

_ Sendoh is so upset that he bangs his head against the wall and dies from a concussion. A bug named Aida flies along._

_ Aida: Yo check! What's that thing?_

_ Aida swoops down and picks ThumbeHaruko up._

_ Aida: Execute me, what are you?_

_ ThumbeHaruko: I'm a human girl! Put me down!_

_ Aida: no wonder you so heavy… mama said that humans are nasty and like to squash bugs. She said that my papa died at the hands of a human. Does that mean that my papa died when he was sitting on a human's hand?_

_ ThumbeHaruko: Put me down!!!_

_ Aida: Maybe I shouldn't take you home… Mama might not let me keep you…_

_ ThumbeHaruko: Put me down, you son of a bitch!!!_

_ Aida: *sob* you hurt my feelings… I not son of a bitch… I son of a bug…_

_ Aida drops ThumbeHaruko as he reaches for his silk handkerchief to wipe his tears. A leaf named Rukawa breaks ThumbeHaruko's fall._

_ Rukawa: Itai… do'aho._

_ ThumbeHaruko: O Rukawa-san… you saved my life… how can I ever repay you?_

_ Rukawa cannot take the weight of ThumbeHaruko and snaps off, falls to the ground and dies._

LENG: Oh no, I see three girls dressed in pig pink in the horizon, coming over to us with an A-bomb…

LENG: //types furiously away, and the girls vanish// Now where were we?

_ ThumbeHaruko starts falling to her doom. In a stroke of good luck, a gust of wind sweeps up, and her dress acts like a parachute. All the passers-by on the land scream and blindfold one another._

LENG: Ahehehe…Hope this makes you perverts happy!

V.C.: //Whams LENG with clipboard again// Get on with the stupid story already! You're burning the retinas of every innocent child that may be reading this!

LENG: OW! Fine lah!

Finally, ThumbeHaruko falls into the hole of a mouse named Fujima.

_ The starving Fujima eyes her disappointedly._

_ ThumbeHaruko: Eh, what's your problem?_

_ Fujima: You not food…_

_ ThumbeHaruko: You got problem with that, 'Mickey'?_

_ Fujima: How dare you insult me! I will not take this insolence lying down!_

_ ThumbeHaruko: You're not lying down._

_ Fujima: Shut up! I shall take you to see an age-old acquaintance of mine… _(Drumroll please)_ Maki the Mole!_

_ ThumbeHaruko: Nooooooooooooooo…_

_ ThumbeHaruko is out like a light. Fujima drags her to the other end of the tunnel and knocks on the door._

_ Fujima: Hi Maki_

_ Maki: Hi_

_ Maki catches sight of ThumbeHaruko._

_ Maki: Let me keep this beetle for my servant._

_ ThumbeHaruko: Don't want. Anywayz… I'm not a beetle._

_ Fujima: Eh, she's not mine actually._

_ Maki: I'll give you a year's supply of acorns?_

_ Fujima: Deal! Take her!_

_ ThumbeHaruko picks up a large walnut (don't ask me why the stupid mouse didn't eat that earlier) and bashes Maki and Fujima to a pile of slimy oatmeal. Then our pint-sized murderer runs away and finds a bird named Mitsui at the end of the tunnel._

_ ThumbeHaruko: TAXI!!!_

_ Mitsui: I charge 5 berries…_

_ ThumbeHaruko: I have a pile of tasty oatmeal at the end of this tunnel._

_ Mitsui: Close enough._

_ The two are flying in the air, when a familiar looking bug a.k.a. Aida flies up with an AK47._

_ Aida: Yo check! Mama says if I bring you home we can have you for supper, so I'm going to hijack this taxi and…_

_ *Gulp*_

_ Mitsui eats the bug before he can finish his sentence._

_ Mitsui: Stupid bug._

_ ThumbeHaruko: GROSS!!! I'm going to throw up!_

_ Mitsui: No! I just had my feathers dry-cleaned!_

_ ThumbeHaruko: //an awful green color// Just try and stop me!_

_ Meanwhile, the fairy prince Sakuragi is dressing. An assassin, Kiyota, slips a portable explosive into his crown and runs back to his home, giggling._

_ Kiyota: Heheheheheheh! Now Rukawa is dead, Red-furred monkey is going to croak and I will be the no.1 rookie of Japan!_

_ Kiyota receives a parcel at that moment with a red button sticking on it. Unknown to him, there is a message on the other side. It read:_

_ THE EXPLOSIVE YOU ORDERED IS A BUY ONE GET ONE FREE. IF YOU DO NOT HAVE A DEATH WISH, PLEASE DO NOT PRESS THE RED BUTTON BEFORE OPENING._

_ Kiyota: Eh? What's this button for? *beep*_

_ KABOOM_

_ That was the end of the Golden Lion Tamarin look-alike. _

_ Mitsui and ThumbeHaruko land outside the fairy kingdom. ThumbeHaruko climbs off and a very dirty Mitsui leaves in search of his oatmeal. Sakuragi comes out and meets ThumbeHaruko._

_ ThumbeHaruko: Sakuragi-san©…_

_ Sakuragi: ThumbeHaruko-san©…_

LENG: AHEM! Don't you ever read the script?

The two thumb through the script.

ThumbeHaruko: Ohhhhhhhhhh… Gomen, Director.

LENG: Just get on with the story, Damn it!

ThumbeHaruko runs away.

_ Sakuragi: Noooooooooo!!! Come back!!!_

_ Sakuragi runs after his one true love. _ (Let us retch!)

_ Halfway, he gets caught by a toad named Akagi._

_ Akagi: I seem to be in luck today… I've caught a tasty oversized mosquito!_

_ Sakuragi: Untongue me, you wart-infested Gori Toad! I am not a mosquito!!! I am Tensai Sakuragi, the fairy crown prince! Put me down!_

_ Akagi: Fairy Crown Prince? That's even better! You're a health tonic!_

_ That was the end of Sakuragi._

_ Akagi: Now to end the story… the toad lived happily ever after. The end._

V.C.: not so fast…

_ The explosive in Sakuragi's crown chooses that moment to explode. Akagi perished together with his meal._

_ And Ayako died of old age, ThumbeHaruko got eaten by a goldfish, Mitsui died from having too much iodine and starch in his system (Arigato to oatmeal), and the authors of the story lived happily ever after…_

V.C.: sniff! I always cry at happy endings!

The whole SD crew glares down at our two evil storywriters.

LENG: Push off.

No response.

LENG: //types again// Fine! Now you'll really pay!

Within the next two and a half seconds, the whole SD crew is being hung upside down from the ceiling with Barney the Purple Dinosaur clones dancing around them and singing their sickening songs about love.

LENG: Now THAT is what I call a happy ending! 

KAPOW!

Our illustrious tomboy with the typewriter is bombarded with another huge rock, with the note "We are NOT amused! The official Inoue Takehiko Fan Club."

V.C.: =u=; 

LENG: ^_^;

~OWARI~


	4. Cinderella Part 1: Handing Out The Roles

Cinderella 

A co-production by LENG and V.C.

100% certified non-yaoi + non-yuri

___________________________________________________________________

Part 1: Handing out the roles

** LENG**: Ok, so all of you are gathered here to star in another of our co-productions…

** Sakuragi**: How come that evil sister of yours isn't here?

** LENG**: SAKURAGI!!! How dare you insult people like that!

** Sakuragi**: Erm…

** LENG**: She's not the only one who's evil! Both of us are evil!

** Sakuragi**: //sweatdrop// Gomen Nasai…

** LENG**: And don't you forget it! Now, everyone, I shall lead you around the set.

LENG shows them the house, and then the palace. Finally, they come to a strange-looking brown thingy.

** LENG**: Now THIS… is the staircase.

** Kiyota**: They look more like a heap of cardboard boxes.

** LENG**: Because they ARE a heap of cardboard boxes. Glued together like a staircase. Anyway, we were low on budget so we went around collecting them from shops that didn't need them anymore.

** Kiyota**: So I guess it should be steady, right?

Kiyota leans on the Cardboard Box Staircase. The Cardboard Box Staircase immediately comes crashing down on him.

** LENG**: Unfortunately, no.

The cardboard boxes fall onto Kiyota. He stumbles backwards. His leg pulls a on a cord and something snaps, followed by an angry yell coming from a room. A very angry-looking V.C. comes out of the room.

** V.C.**: ARRRRRGHH! Who disconnected the modem? 

Everyone else points to the half-buried Kiyota. V.C. glares at him. Kiyota gulps.

** V.C.**: //points to typewriter// LENG, can I borrow that?

** LENG**: Uh… ok…

V.C. types furiously, and the cardboard boxes are gone off Kiyota. What remains of the messy scene is a bunch of female monkeys glomping Kiyota. 

** LENG**: Don't look now; I think he's enjoying himself.

** V.C.**: They'll disappear in a matter of five minutes.

At that moment, a girl comes up.

** Ayako**: Who are you? You don't seem to be an original SD character.

** Girl**: I'm Kazuko. I'm an imaginary character V.C. created for this sole purpose. I'm a stunt double.

** Ayako**: I thought stunt doubles were supposed to be of the same built.

** LENG**: AS I WAS SAYING… we are low on budget so we just got V.C.'s imaginary character to help us out. She'll have to do it for free anyway.

** Kazuko**: Created characters lead very sad lives. *sniff*

** V.C.**: Shall I read out the cast now?

**__**

Cinderella Cast 

Cinderella- Haruko

Stepmother- Ru

Stepsister 1- Ka

Stepsister 2- Wa

Fairy Godmother- Fujima Kenji (He has very feminine features)

Prince- Sakuragi (understudy- Rukawa)

Pumpkin: Akagi

Horses: Maki, Kiyota, Jin, Hanagata, Sendoh, Uozumi, Koshino, Fukuda (Don't ask why they own so many horses) 

Coachman (Dog): Mitsui

Footman (Dog): Ryota

Shoe-carrier: Kogure

Queen: Ayako

**Ru**: I know the three of us don't like to act the bad guy roles, but we'll do it because Rukawa-kun's in this production!

**Ka & Wa**: Yeah! Yeah! All and anything for Rukawa-kun!

**M&M**: Why do we have to be dogs?

**LENG**: Quiet! On with the play!

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	5. Cinderella Part 2: The Show Begins

Cinderella 

Part 2: The show begins

Um, so Cinderella is being mistreated by her stepfamily. Anyway… everyone should know how the thing went.

** Haruko**: Waaaaaaahh…

**Ru**: Shut up and continue with the housework!

**Ka**: Yeah! These are your just deserts for having designs on our Rukawa-kun!

** LENG**: I hope they are not for real.

So one day, they receive an invitation to the ball where the prince will select a wife. They don't let Cinderella go.

** Haruko**: I wanna go to the ball!

**Wa**: Too bad! We're not letting you go because we are jealous that you are pretty! //whispers// is she pretty? I don't think so…

** V.C.**: At least she's prettier than you! Get on with the story! 

Ok, so Ru, Ka and Wa set off and Haruko is left to drown in her sorrows.

** Haruko**: I shall go and drown myself in the well… it's not my fault that I'm so pretty…

Suddenly, a swirl of twinkly little lights appear. A 'woman' appears.

** Haruko**: I thought fairy godmothers aren't supposed to wear ballet tutus?

** Fujima**: I feel so humiliated.

** M&M**: HAHAHAHAHA!

** Kiyota**: I thought dogs can't laugh?

** M&M**: I thought horses can't talk?

** Kiyota**: Dogs can't talk either!

Mitsui, Ryota and Kiyota argue until LENG threatens them with her typewriter.

** Fujima**: You shall go to the ball! //zaps up a dress, don't ask how he did that without special effects. I think Haruko stripped, and then put on a ball gown//

A chocolate bar, a certificate and a note drops onto V.C.'s head. 

"A token of appreciation and a tribute to you! Keep up the good work! -From the Society of Hentai Fan fiction lovers"

A dagger suddenly shoots in like a boomerang and narrowly misses the group of 'horses'.

** Sendoh**: Thank goodness! My spikes are still intact!

A message is nailed to the wall by the dagger. 

"Stop it Stop it Stop it Stop it Stop it Stop it! - Anti-Hentai Gang"

** V.C.**: Ahehehehe… Hey, I don't like Fruit and nut.

** Fukuda**: Let me have it!

Fukada eats the chocolate bar. Unfortunately, it was laced with the top-secret recipe drug of that certain Society of Hentai Fan fiction lovers, which made the consumer write lots of hentai stuff.

** Fukuda**: You strip, me strip, he strip, she strip…

Everyone retches. 

** LENG**: //*tap* *tap*// Damn it. The typewriter malfunctioned.

Everyone buries their face in their hands.

Maki, Koshino and Uozumi grab hold of the babbling Fukuda and lock him into the Green Room until the effects of the drug wear off, hopefully.

Akagi the pumpkin walks in, wrapped up in a bright orange cloth. 

** Akagi**: Hmph.

** LENG**: ok. Akagi, when Fujima turns you into a carriage, there'll be a bunch of fake smoke. Run backstage and we'll push a carriage out. That's how we'll do it.

The fairy godmother turned a nearby pumpkin into a carriage.

Akagi 'disappears' successfully. However, the 'roll out the carriage' part didn't turn out as successfully as hoped. The carriage was rolled out with too much force (the backstage workers were hit over the head with an air pump after that) and crashed into the horses.

** Jin**: //swirly eyed// I had to be the one at the bottom of the pile.

And so, Cinderella goes to the ball. She *ahem* is noticed by all the people inside.

**Ka**: Who is that? How dare she steal the spotlight!

** Sakuragi**: May I have this dance?

**Wa**: Why yes!

** Sakuragi**: I wasn't talking to YOU! //says dreamily// I can't believe we're supposed to end up together…

** LENG**: We gave you the role of a prince cause you're spoilt and conceited like some.

** Sakuragi**: *grumble*

Then after some time, they fall in love, and the clock strikes 12.

** Haruko**: Oh no, I must go.

** Sakuragi**: NOOOOOOO

Haruko runs toward a door marked EXIT- Staircase.

** Haruko**: //stops short// Hey, the floor is cut off here! I could have fallen onto the ground floor!

Kazuko walks over, and a bunch of backstage workers shift the Repaired Cardboard Box Staircase over.

** Kazuko**: Am I supposed to run down in these glass high-heels?

** LENG**: It's part of the whole thing. When you get to the step marked with a red tape, take off one and continue running down. 

** Kazuko**: I've made a call and found out that my insurance will cover my hospital bill. I'll do it. (Why can't I just be a go player?!)

Kazuko manages to keep her balance until she takes off one high-heel, and it is difficult to run with one foot flat on the ground and one in a high-heel. She falls down the Repaired Cardboard Box Staircase.

** Kazuko**: Ow! Ow! @#$%^&*! F****** SON OF A *****! OW! @#$%^&*!

** LENG**: Do we censor that?

** V.C.**: it's already been censored. Don't worry. 

The Repaired Cardboard Box Staircase collapses once again.

** Kiyota**: I wasn't the one who did it this time.

** Kazuko**: Mmpth mmpth mmthp mmthp mmpth mmthp. (translation: shut up and call the paramedics.)

** LENG**: My typewriter seems to keep malfunctioning today…

** Kazuko**: Mmpth mmpth mmpth mmpth? (translation: Are you kidding me?)

** V.C.**: Thank goodness we don't need anymore stunts done.

** Kazuko**: Mmpth mmpth mmpth mmpth mmpth mmpth mmpth. (translation: I think I have eleven fractures altogether.)

** LENG**: It's working again! Don't worry! Typewriter-sama to the rescue!

LENG types furiously, and Kazuko is ok. 

** LENG**: Now we all now why stunt doubles were not harmed during the production of this item. I can always type them better.

A clean-up team is called in to get rid of the Ruins of the Cardboard Box Staircase (Each time something happens to it, it gains a new name). 

Haruko's gown disappears and in its place is the old dress she was wearing at first. Ok, the prince is sad, bla bla bla and sends everyone to find the owner by trying it on all the maiden's feet in the kingdom (poor slipper). 

** Sakuragi**: //walking, and suddenly trips// My foot!

** Kogure**: I didn't say anything, so what was it you couldn't believe?

** Sakuragi**: I said, "My foot"!

** Kogure**: Yeah! That's right!

** Sakuragi**: *sigh* I mean, my foot hurts! I can't walk.

** Kogure**: Let me see… Oh! You've sprained it. You can't take part in the production anymore!

** V.C.**: Call for understudy, Rukawa!

** Sakuragi**: WHAT?!!

** LENG**: You mean Rukawa has to do the romantic scene with Haruko?

Ru, Ka and Wa are seen with steam coming out of their heads.

** V.C.**: Come to think of it, I think I didn't write the last part.

** LENG**: NANI?!!

** V.C.**: I sorta FORGOT to write it.

** LENG**: What's Rukawa going to do?

** V.C.**: I don't know. I think he's going to have to act it out himself.

** LENG**: So…

**Ru, Ka & Wa**: Try the slipper on ME! Try the slipper on ME!

** Rukawa**: Do'ahos… I doubt it will fit on any of you. Let's quit the production and go home.

** LENG**: //pointing menacingly at typewriter// You're supposed to try it on Haruko.

** Rukawa**: *mutter* ok. I'll try the stupid shoe on her.

** Haruko**: it fits!

Fujima comes out, and zaps Haruko's old dress into the ball gown.

** Haruko**: Marry me!

** Rukawa**: Do'aho… 

Rukawa throws a basketball at Cinderella. It hit her in the chest and… (no, he didn't deliberately choose to hit that part, perverts!) 

** V.C.**: .... and she died from a heart attack! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I LOVE SAD ENDINGS! (well, at least for this one)

Sakuragi tries to headbutt the two evil-storywriters for 'harming' his fair princess and is immediately typed into being glomped by several red monkeys (familiar, ne?)

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~OWARI~


	6. SD vs Barney the Purple Dinosaur Part 1

** SLAM DUNK** VS **BARNEY THE PURPLE DINOSAUR AND CO.**

A '3-on-3'-basketball match

Team members:

SD-

Rukawa 

Sendoh

Mitsui

Barney and Co.-

Barney

Baby Bop

TJ

Referee-

Anonymous

Spectators-

LENG

V.C.

Other SD characters

Barney's fan club

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

The Battle Begins… 

At the court…

**Referee**: And remember, this is a friendly match!

**Barney Fan Club**: FRIENDLY! YEAH, BARNEY! YEAH!

**LENG**: What a bunch of wimpy do'ahos.

**V.C.**: LENG, that's Rukawa's line!

**LENG**: Who cares?

ZZZZZZING! CRASH!

LENG retrieves the dagger that missed her head by 2½ inches.

**LENG**: Fine! Fine! I take that back already!

**RU, KA & WA**: YOU'D BETTER!!

**LENG**: *sigh* I hate my life…

**V.C.**: //sweat-drop// Right, *ahem*, time to watch the "friendly" match, ne?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*

Sendoh faces off with Barney.

Meanwhile… 

**Barney Fan Club**: BARNEY! BARNEY! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH, BARNEY!

**Rukawa Brigade**: RUKAWA! RUKAWA! L O V E RUKAWA!

**V.C.**: Somebody....make them shut up already!

LENG types furiously, promptly depositing 1000 kg of deflated basketballs on the forever loyal and screaming cheerleaders.

Gomen, where we were before… 

**Sendoh**: May the best players win, Purple Dinosaur-san!

**Barney**: How nice of you to say that! And remember…

**Sendoh**: Hai?

Barney grabs Sendoh and squeezes him in a deadly hug.

**Barney**: I LOVE YOU!

**Sendoh**://turns several shades paler// *Gasp* Ta...su...ke...te!

**Mitsui**: Disaster! Sendoh's gonna suffocate! We've gotta do something, Rukawa!

**Rukawa**: We?

**Mitsui**: He's on our side! Besides, I can't pry them apart by myself!

**Rukawa**: Fine...Do'aho....

Mitsui and Rukawa walk over. Rukawa grabs one of Barney's arms, Mitsui grabs the other, and both of them struggle to loosen the purple dinosaur's grip on the 'near-death' Sendoh.

**Mitsui**: Damn! How come this stupid stuffed freak is so strong?!

**T.J.**: Don't insult our lovable leader!

**Baby Bop**: Big Brother's right! He's only expressing the true meaning of LOVE!

**Mitsui**://sweat-drop// never mind…LET GO OF SENDOH, WILL YOU?!

**Barney**: Why? You want me to hug you to express LOVE for you too?

**Mitsui**: oh no…

Mitsui lets go of Barney and runs like hell. Barney drops Sendoh and chases after him.

**Rukawa**: //drags Sendoh to the sidelines// Do'aho Mitsui...

**V.C.**: //Major sweat-drop// Y'know, I think this is the perfect time to call for a time-out.

**LENG**: //Equally major sweat-drop// I couldn't agree with you more…

**_ Will Sendoh be able to make a comeback?_**

**_ Who will triumph?_**

**_ Stay tuned for the showdown in the second half!_**

** Typewriter-sama saves the day!**


	7. SD vs Barney the Purple Dinosaur Part 2

** SLAM DUNK** VS **BARNEY THE PURPLE DINOSAUR AND CO.**

A '3-on-3'-basketball match

Team members:

SD-

Rukawa 

Sendoh

Mitsui

Barney and Co.-

Barney

Baby Bop

TJ

Referee-

Anonymous

Spectators-

LENG

V.C.

Other SD characters

Barney's fan club

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Typewrite-sama saves the day! 

Time out proceeds. Barney is finally dragged away from Mitsui (1/2 dead from shock). 

**Mitsui**: Thank Heavens he's gone! Somebody call my psychiatrist!

Sendoh is on the floor, still swirly-eyed and out like a light.

**Uozumi**: Something's not quite right. MEDICS!!!

**LENG**: Sorry, we didn't bother about any medics…

**Uozumi**: You didn't? Ok, then- AUTHORS!!!

**V.C.**: You, your lazy fingers AND your big mouth.

LENG and V.C. walk to the sidelines. LENG pokes Sendoh's still form.

**LENG**: Hey… Hey sleeping beauty… Is he all right?

**V.C.**: He looks somewhat like a dead fish. But I think he'll live.

**LENG**: Will he be able to play? 

**V.C.**: If he is Physically AND Mentally well enough to continue.

**Sendoh**: twinkle…twinkle…little star…Sendoh's…in the sky…with basketballs…

**LENG**: Well, THAT answers my question. But who will be the replacement?

SD crew looks at each other, and all (except Sakuragi) point at LENG in unison.

**LENG**: NANI?! Why me?!

**Sakuragi**: Yeah! Why her?

**V.C.**: Because Sendoh's babbling like a pathetic dried fish, LENG looks boyish enough for the referee to see, and she's the only one with a portable typewriter! (Although she can't really play)

**LENG**: Don't insult me, sis! Anyways, what's my typewriter got to do with ANYTHING?!

V.C. whispers in LENG's ear, and LENG acquires an evil look on her face.

**LENG**: Ok, I'll do it!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*

Second half officially begins…

**Mitsui**: Ok! Show the purple freakazoid who's boss!

**LENG**: yeah!

**Mitsui**: not you, the typewriter.

**LENG**: Oh yah…

V.C. joins the other SD cast on the spectator stands.

**Fujima**: I wish I could play…

**V.C.**: Too bad! No one elected you, you homo!

**Fujima**: I am NOT a homo! Besides, I'm older than you! Treat your elders with respect!

**V.C.**: Whatever! Old homo…

**Fujima**: WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?!!

**V.C.**: *grumble* Old homo

**Fujima**: Stupid seedling!

**V.C.**: Oh yeah? Barbie just called! She wants her face back!

**Fujima**: Oh yeah? The Teletubbies just called! They want you to be the president of THEIR fan club!

**V.C.**: Oh yeah? The gay bar wants you to attend their opening ceremony next week!

**Fujima**: I'll set MY fan club on you!

**V.C.**: I'll tell the Rukawa Brigade you tried to kiss Rukawa. (If only they weren't STILL stuck under 1000 kg of basketball...) I'll whack you on the head with a high velocity fan set at full blast!

**Fujima**: NO! You wouldn't dare!

**V.C.**: //grabs the fan mentioned// try me!

_ ^_^; AAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAA… Gomen…As we were before again…_

**LENG**: Mitsui, you go for T.J. Rukawa, you go for Baby Bop.

**Mitsui**: Yeah well, what about that huge purple escapee from Woodbridge?

**LENG**: Him? //Takes out typewriter// Typewriter-sama will take care of that.

**Typewriter-sama**: Don't add to my pressure…I have a very weak heart.

**LENG**: NANI? You're a typewriter! Typewriters don't have hearts!

**Typewriter-sama**: Gomen…It's just that I always wanted to say that!

**LENG**: //sweat-drop + face-fault//

The players put their plan into action!

_ Meanwhile, Fujima and V.C. are still involved in their cute little children's fight..._

**V.C.**: //brandishing fan// DIE!

**Fujima**: //defending with unfortunate cheerleader// DIE YOURSELF!

_ THAT, however, is somebody else's business..._

_ Now where were we?_

Mitsui charges at T.J.

**Mitsui**: Your end is near, Yellow Monster!

**T.J.**: Actually, its 'Yellow Dinosaur'. If you want to insult me, do it properly!

**Mitsui**: //sweat-drop// Whatever...Hey! Is that your mother in the stands?

**T.J.**: Really? HI MOM!

Mitsui makes use of his moment of distraction to steal his hat.

**T.J.**: NOOOOOOO! For the LOVE of all, give it back!

Mitsui sticks out his tongue at him and runs like hell.

Back at the spectators stand… 

**Sendoh**: //lying on a mat with an icepack on his head// quit fighting, you two. I'm trying to watch the match.

**V.C.**: Oh NO! I almost forgot about the match! //tosses fan aside//

The fan crashes into the unfortunate Fujima and the even more unfortunate cheerleader.

_ Back to the match…_

**Rukawa**: Do'aho Green baby…

**Baby Bop**: Don't hate me because I'm beautiful!

Rukawa rolls his eyes (not literally!). With super nova speed, he steals Baby Bop's blanket and escapes.

**Baby Bop**: NOOOOOOOOOOOO! BLAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNKKKKKKKIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!

Baby Bop gives chase. Mitsui comes towards Rukawa, with T.J. still hatless and hot on his trial. 

Mitsui and Rukawa run right past each other, causing the sibling monstrosities to collide and officially KO.

**Someone**: KO!

**Mitsui**: All right! High five!

**Rukawa**: //don't care//

**Mitsui**: ... Oh well....

Now it's Typewriter-sama's time to shine! 

**LENG**: Come to my arms, Barney! Express your LOVE for me!

Barney falls for it and starts running towards LENG. LENG whips out the typewriter and types as quickly as she possibly can.

Suddenly, Barney freezes in his tracks, makes a choking sound, and collapses to the floor, writhing in obvious agony.

**Mitsui**: I don't believe this! What did you do to him?

**LENG**: Typewriter-sama here tampered with his ventilation.

Back at the spectator stand… 

**Almost everyone**: //holding popcorn//

**Fujima**: //halfway out from under the mangled heap of metal and cheerleader// Did I miss anything?

**Ayako**: Only one of the most exciting parts.

**Fujima**: //bangs his fist on the floor// Damn!

The mangled heap reacts violently to the fist's impact on the floor, and buries Fujima again.

No one bothers to answer his muffled screams for help and continue to eat popcorn and watch the match.

**Miyagi**: This is supposed to be a basketball match, so why is there no mention of a basketball?

**Akagi**: Shut up. It's just as nice this way.

Back to the court… 

LENG is practically enjoying watching Barney's agony. She was planning to leave him like that, if she hadn't noticed the basketball that had been neglected all this while.

Once more, she types furiously. The basketball dramatically bursts into flames, flies through the air, and lands on Barney. Barney is about to burn to death, when the guy inside the suit rips away from the melting purple plastic and runs around, screaming and still flaming.

**Mitsui**: Looks like he never learnt fire safety in school.

**Rukawa**: //asleep on the floor//

**LENG**: Grab some popcorn. This is going to be fun!

The guy acting Barney trips and stumbles on the unconscious T.J. and Baby Bop. All three of them dramatically burn like a bonfire.

**Barney Fan Club**: //struggling to free themselves from the pile of basketballs// HOW DARE YOU DO THAT TO BARNEY! YOU SHALL PAY!

LENG types again, and the 1000 kg worth of basketball she had deposited on them earlier also starts to burn.

**SD**: ALL RIGHT! FOR ONCE, WE DON'T HAVE TO GET HURT!

**Sendoh**: With the exception of me...

**Mitsui**: me too...

**Fujima**: /still buried and can't say nothing/

A spotlight comes out of nowhere and shines on LENG and her typewriter. The crowd goes wild.

**LENG**: Thank you! Thank you all very much! Thank you!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*

KICK!

THUD!

**LENG**: OUCH! Who the F******KA$$$$ kicked me!

LENG rubs her sleepy eyes and sees V.C. glaring down at her.

**V.C.**: Quit sleeping on the computer. I want to use the modem.

**LENG**: You mean that was all a dream?! DAMNIT!

**V.C.**: What are you talking about?

**LENG**: How about I type it out for you to see?

**V.C.**: Okay.

_ And so LENG types out her dream and sends it to Minna-san._

_ Wanna see it?_

_ You just finished doing so…_

~OWARI~


	8. The Christmas 2002 Play Part 1: At The B...

CHRISTMAS 2002 

**By**: 

LENG [director] & Typewriter

V.C. [director]

Angelo [co-director] & Drawing Pad

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

CHAPTER 1: At The Beginning… 

LENG and V.C. walk into the studio, and are immediately showered with snow.

**V.C.**: HEY!

**LENG**: ANGELO!

Angelo goes backstage, and catches Sakuragi fooling with the snow-machine's POWER button.

**Angelo**: Sakuragi! Don't touch that!

**Sakuragi**: Don't touch what?

**Angelo**: /shoves finger down on POWER button/ That!

An even larger cascade of snow bombs the evil writing duo.

**LENG**: Stop it or feel my wrath! Feel my **TYPEWRITER**'S wrath! 

The snow immediately stops, and a pouting Sakuragi walks out, followed by the equally pouting Angelo.

**V.C.**: A lot of help **your** site partner is giving us.

**LENG**: I wanted to use my assistant, but NO! **You** said—

**V.C.**: Can it, LENG. Forget I said that. {For all I know, after what happened in the rehearsal, even **Sakuragi** will do a better job than Camcorder-crazy Li!}

LENG fishes out some typed notes (mercifully dry) and passes it to the SD cast.

**Akagi**: What's this?

**LENG**: Your roles and scripts.

**V.C.**: ANGELO NO BAKA! Where are the costumes?!

**Angelo**: Coming, **ma'am**!

**V.C.**: Fudge! I hate that kid!

**LENG**: So I notice....

_Angelo staggers out with a box and starts handing out suits._

**Angelo**: Anzai Sensei! /passes Santa Claus outfit/

**A.S.**: Ohohohohoho…

**Angelo**: Little more Jolly and you'll do fine. AKAGI! /passes church choir robes/

**Sakuragi**: HAHA! Gori the Holy Man!

**Akagi**: mumble mutter cuss

**Angelo**: /takes out wet suit/ this must be mine…

**Sakuragi**: MUHAHAHA!

**Angelo**: Sakuragi! /tosses reindeer costume/

**Sakuragi**: ?!?!?!?!?!

**SD cast**: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

**Angelo**: Kiyota, Sendoh, Mitsui, Ryota, Maki, Haruko, Fujima, Rukawa! /tosses more reindeer costumes/

**SD cast**: eerie silence

**LENG**: OK, peeps! Let's roll!

**Rukawa**: I'm not wearing this…

**Sakuragi**: For once, I'm with the Kitsune.

**V.C.**: Well, you're going to! It's for the kids, damn it!

**SD cast**: SIGH....

**Characters**:  
Narrator—AKAGI

Santa Claus—ANZAI SENSEI

Rudolph—SAKURAGI

Other Reindeer—KIYOTA

—SENDOH

—MITSUI

—RYOTA

—MAKI

—HARUKO

—FUJIMA 

—RUKAWA

Backstage Scene Worker—ANGELO

Rehearsal Sub—AIDA

Next up.... **Chapter 2: Lights! Camera! _ACTION_!**

= * = * = * =


	9. The Christmas 2002 Play Part 2: Lights! ...

CHRISTMAS 2002 

**By**: 

LENG [director] & Typewriter

V.C. [director]

Angelo [co-director] & Drawing Pad

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Chapter 2: Lights! Camera! _ACTION_! 

_Everyone is getting ready for the Christmas parody._

**Angelo**: I look like a hybrid from Mission Impossible and the Matrix.

**Akagi**: I look like an idiot from 'Bananas in Pajamas'.

**Kiyota**: The rest of us look like stuffed toys.

**LENG**: No time for that! The show's about to start!

_Akagi moves to stage right._

**Akagi**: Ladies and Gents! The evil sister writers are back, with yet another unoriginal story from the deepest darkest pits of their twisted, perverse minds.

**LENG**: Did he just deliver that speech with vengeance, or disgust?

**V.C.**: It wasn't me who wrote it.

**Akagi**: LENG and V.C. Inc. proudly present /drum roll/ 

"Sakuragi the Red-haired Reindeer".

**Audience**: pathetic applause and occasional bad fruit

**Akagi**: Err…right…ahem…

**_Sakuragi the great, big reindeer_**

**_Had a very shiny head…_**

_Curtain is drawn, showing Sakuragi in reindeer costume._

**Sakuragi**: ORE WA TENSAI!

**Akagi**: **_ And if you ever saw him_**

**_ You would see it's red…_**

**Audience**: Oooooohhhhh…

_Kiyota, Rukawa, Mitsui and Ryota come out in reindeer costumes._

**Akagi**: **_ All the other reindeer_**

**_ Used to laugh and call him names…_**

**Rukawa**: Do'aho.

**Kiyota**: Is that your head or a Christmas tree ornament?

**Mitsui**: Oh, look out boys! His head is on fire!

**Ryota**: Uh…Err…oh, what the heck! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

**Sakuragi**: TEME!

_Kiyota, Rukawa, Mitsui and Ryota exit stage left with Sakuragi in hot pursuit._

**Akagi**: **_ Then they would turn and run_**

**_ Before he made them crème…_**

One loud 'thud' later, Kiyota, who didn't escape in time, crawls painfully back onstage and lies face down on the floor.

**Kiyota**: Oooowwwwiiiiieeeeee…

**Rukawa**: /drags Kiyota offstage/ get back in here. Do'aho.

Curtain closes, scene is changed, snow machine is on, and curtain is drawn again.

**Akagi**: **_ Then one foggy Christmas Eve_**

**_ Santa came and said,_**

**Anzai Sensei**: Ohohoho. 

**_Sakuragi, with your head so bright,_**

**_ Won't you guide my sleigh tonight?_**

**Sakuragi**: Can it, pops. Ahem! I mean…uh… With honor Your Honor!

Sendoh, Mitsui, Ryota, Maki, Haruko, Fujima, and Rukawa come out of stage left. (Kiyota took a sick leave because of a broken forehead.) All of them are carrying outrageously huge cardboard hearts that make them look like Sharity Elephant. 

**Akagi**: **_ Then all the reindeer loved him,_**

**_ And they shouted out with glee,_**

**SD cast**: ** _Sakuragi the great, big reindeer,_**

**_ Your head will go down in history!_**

**Akagi**: ...And that brings us to the end of our play. The End, Thank ye, and haft thee a Merry Christmas.

The whole SD cast bows once and exits stage right.

There is still pathetic applause from the crowd, but a sign of improvement: only 1 fruit is thrown, reasonably ripe.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

**_This is the whole of Akagi's recital, from top to bottom. Enjoy!_**

**_Sakuragi the great, big reindeer_**

**_Had a very shiny head_**

**_And if you ever saw him_**

**_You would see it's red_**

****

**_All the other reindeer_**

**_Used to laugh and call him names_**

**_Then they would turn and run_**

**_Before he made them crème_**

****

**_Then one foggy Christmas Eve_**

**_Santa came and said,_**

**_"Sakuragi, with your head so bright,_**

**_Won't you guide my sleigh tonight?"_**

****

**_Then all the reindeer loved him,_**

**_And they shouted out with glee,_**

**_"Sakuragi the great, big reindeer,_**

**_Your head will go down in history!"_**

_Haven't had enough? Then please proceed, Minna-san, to…_ Chapter 3: Lovely, lovely NGs!

= * = * = * =


	10. The Christmas 2002 Play Part 3: Lovely L...

CHRISTMAS 2002 

**By**: 

LENG [director] & Typewriter

V.C. [director]

Angelo [co-director] & Drawing Pad

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Chapter 3: Lovely, lovely NGs!

(A/N by LENG: Expect to see Aida in place of some others. After all, he is the Sub! If you don't know who Li is, he's in here! This is before LENG hired Angelo.)

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

_Kiyota, Rukawa, Mitsui and Ryota come out in reindeer costumes._

**Akagi**: All the other reindeer

Used to laugh and call him names…

**Rukawa**: Do'aho.

**Sakuragi**: TEME KITSUNE!

LENG and V.C. watch Sakuragi chasing Rukawa off the stage and around the studio.

**LENG**: Shouldn't you tell them not to take these remarks so seriously?

**V.C**: After you.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

**Akagi**: Then they would turn and run

Before he made them crème…

CRACK!

Ryota staggers out onstage again. Both horns are broken and hanging on the edge of plastic stumps. Ryota clutches his forehead, rolls on the floor and writhes in agony.

**Ryota**: I'm ** DYING**!

Ryota passes out on the floor, with the Sun and the seven planets swirling around him. Li drags him away unceremoniously, all the while grinning ecstatically at having caught such a 'magical moment' on tape.

**V.C**: I thought I suggested shock-resistant wooden antlers?

**LENG**: …Budget problem…

**V.C.**: Never mind. The show MUST go on, even when one's head has been crushed.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

**Aida**: Sakuragi…err, with your… your err…h-hair so…so err…so…

**LENG**: CUT! SAKURAGI!

**Sakuragi**: What?

**LENG**: Quit glaring at Aida like that! How's he supposed to say Anzai Sensei's lines if you're freaking him out?

**Sakuragi**: Because he's not Anzai Sensei.

**V.C**: So you won't glare if it's Anzai Sensei who says the lines?

**Sakuragi**: …Yes.

**V.C**: LI! GET ANZAI SENSEI! I DON'T CARE IF HE'S GOT ANOTHER HEART ATTACK OR INFLUENZA OR WHAT NOT! THE SHOW MUST GO ON, AND IT **WILL** GO ON!

**Li**: But it's just a rehearsal! I don't want Cam-sama to miss any magic moments!

**V.C**: GET GOING **NOW**, OR **YOU** WILL MISS YOUR STUPID CAMCORDER AS IT FLIES OUT THE WINDOW!

_Li yelps in terror and runs off to find Anzai Sensei._

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

**LENG**: OK! Snow Scene!

A cascade of ice water sprinkles down on everyone in the studio.

**V.C**: LI NO KOJU!

**Li**: The machine needs reformatting! Everything's under control!

_A large hailstone is spat out of the snow machine, and narrowly misses hitting V.C._

_1½ seconds later, V.C. is shoving Li down the engines._

**Li**: So it was an honest mistake! I'm sorry, okay!

**V.C**: No, there was no mistake! You just need a closer look!

~ * ~ * ~ * ~


End file.
